【和文英訳】英作文添削スレ【自由英作】

名無しさん＠英語勉強中

自分で作った問題なのですが
「日本の医療について問題点を挙げてそれに対する解決策を英文で述べよ」
自分なりに作った英文に不自然なところや、おかしいところはありますか？
簡単な指摘でもいいです

I think Japan's medical systems have two serious problems.
Firstly, there're many doctors in large cities in comparison to their population.

On the other hand, there're a few doctors in small ones, particularly there's no doctor in small island or isolated villages. This is because doctors can't earn much money there.
To solve these problems, we need to introduce the Infomation Technology.

When those who are there are ill, they can immediately talk to doctors on the Internet.
The goal is that, in the future, patients can be operated by doctors who are far from them.

Secondly, Japan's organizations ,such as medical university, can't work with
Infomation Technology companies to develop the new medical method.

In Japan, there is few faculties which has been studying such the new ones.
Therefore, the Japanese government should persuade them into developing ones.